Funerals and Bereavement

CREATING COMMUNITIES OF WHOLENESS WITH CHRIST AT THE CENTRE

If you've come to this page it's probably because someone who you know and love has died.

And there won't be much that we can say or do that will ease the pain and grief.

But please get in touch via email with Mike Haslam or 07817 703929 and we'll pray for you and listen to you and do anything more that we can do and, we hope and pray, allow the space for you and God to do the rest.

We hope that some of the thoughts or contacts below will be helpful.

‘Grief is the price we pay for love. It is the cost of commitment.’ Colin Murray Parkes

Most of us, at some time in our lives, will be faced with the death of someone we care deeply about. Although each of us reacts to loss in different ways, this pamphlet tries to describe some of the feelings and experiences most frequently felt by bereaved people. If you should recognise any of the feelings in yourself, it is hoped that you will take comfort from knowing that others share them. Mourning is the process of adapting to loss. We must grieve for those who have died so that we can go on living.

Accepting the reality of loss
At first you may feel numb, strangely calm and detached, or confused and unable to take in what has happened. For a while it may seem impossible to believe that someone has died. It is quite common to think you can hear or see the dead person.

Yearning
You may look for them in a crowd, listen for them when the phone rings, or see them in a favourite chair – even though you may know they will not be there. At times you may have the feeling that you are searching but never able to find.

Disorganisation, emptiness, despair
This period may be the longest part of grieving. You may feel that you no longer have a reason for living, that nothing interests you. You may even feel that you are going ‘mad’. Perhaps you will feel guilty for the things you did or didn’t do. Many bereaved people find themselves feeling angry – with God, with family, with friends, with the hospital and medical staff, with themselves or with the one who has died. It is not unusual to have difficulty in remembering simple things or doing your normal tasks. Feelings of anxiety, helplessness and fear are not uncommon. Many people feel tremendously lonely. You may well think that you will never feel better again.

Health
It is quite normal to feel tired and be unable to sleep, eat or concentrate properly. You may begin to have pains you normally don’t have. For the most part these are things that happen to many bereaved people but if they persist you should see a doctor.

Wanting to escape
You may feel you could cope better if you moved house and disposed of the things that are reminders of the dead person. Bereavement is painful. It is much better to make important decisions, like moving house, when you are able to think more clearly and objectively. Try to avoid making decisions you might regret, until you feel better.

Beginning to live again
In time you will become aware that you are beginning to have good hours and days. You will find that you can listen to that ‘special’ piece of music or remember something that you once shared with the one who has died without feeling sad. Gradually you will begin to take up new interests and renew some of your old ones. At this time you may sometimes feel you are being disloyal to the person who has died but you should try and remember that, whilst the past will always be with you, there is a present and a future that you can enjoy.

Helping yourself
Grief is individual and each of us reacts to it differently. No-one can completely understand what another person’s grief is like but it is an experience most of us go through and there are people willing to listen and understand as much as they can. If you have feelings of guilt, panic, anger, fear or self-pity, don’t try to hide them: they are part of your grief. Try to share them with an understanding listener. If friends seem to be avoiding you it is possible they are embarrassed because they feel helpless to say or do ‘the right thing’.
They too may be grieving. Allow yourself to express your feelings – good and not so good – with someone you trust. Allow yourself to cry, to laugh and to be angry. You have lost someone you feel deeply about and it hurts – allow yourself to experience the pain so that you may work through it. However, remember you are an individual and can only do things in your own way.

USEFUL CONTACTS

Hillier Bereavement Care
Hillier’s organise social groups for the bereaved in Swindon’s Pilgrim Centre. Many people find them helpful and enjoyable.
Further information from Diane on 01793 752667 or Judith on 01793 870886 (between 9-10am and 4.30-5.30pm).

Cruse Bereavement Care
Cruse provides care for anyone who has been bereaved.
The Cruse Bereavement Helpline can be called on 0870 167 1677.
Details of their nationwide branches can be obtained through their main office at 126 Sheen Road, Richmond, Surrey, TW9 1UR.
Tel: 0181 9404818

The Samaritans
Samaritans offer a 24 hour telephone listening service and are always sympathetic.
Their number is 0845 7909090. (Minicom calls for the deaf 0845 7909192 or Textphone calls for the hard of hearing or speech impaired 0845 7909192).

Compassionate Friends
Compassionate Friends offer help for bereaved parents. 53 North Street, Bedminster, BS3 1EN.
Tel: 0117 9539 639.

The Foundation for the Study of Infant Death
This organisation helps those whose babies have died. The Secretary, 14 Halkin Street, London, SW1X 7DP, London, SW1X.
Tel: 020 7233 2090

The Cot Death Helpline
Mon–Sun 7pm-10pm & Mon, Wed & Fri 10am-1pm
Tel: 0800 282 986

London Lighthouse
Britain ’s largest residential and support centre for men and women affected by HIV and AIDS. 111-117 Lancaster Road, London, W11 1QT
Tel: 0171 7921200