27 December: 8:16pm

I've had nearly three full days at home and haven't turned on the computer once. For me, at any rate, that's a record. I normally have to leave home to escape from the curse of the laptop. But on Christmas Day and Boxing day I was exhausted and revelled in the opportunity to sit down with family and friends and then [even more unusually] to sit down and watch TV and not have the computer anywhere in sight. But before I get any further HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! There are still another 8 days to go, but I'm already starting detox [lightweight that I am].

Please pray for Pakistan in the wake of Benazir Bhutto's assassination. Too many countries have been thrown into turmoil by one bullet.

18 December: 10:18pm

Two more thoughts on the environment - why is it that I've heard nothing, let alone any wave of protest, about the fact that [supermarkets exempting] petrol is now over £1 per litre. Even supermarkets are 99.99p.

The list of things that I could do and am not doing to reduce my carbon footprint is tragically long. Why is it that even those of us who believe that something needs to be done urgently find it so hard to actually do anything.

17 December: 9:15pm

We're getting there with the Christmas Cards, they are printed; and about half of them are written and in named envelopes - but still lack addresses and stamps. Last year they were posted on Christmas Eve, this year we just might get them off before then.

The ground has been wonderfully frozen recently, keeping my feet dry and clean, just about - which is saying something given that the uppers of my running shoes are rapidly forgetting where the soles are - I'm looking forward to Christmas money. Frozen ground also increases speed, or rather wading through deep mud and attempting to jump over puddles [aka ponds] decreases it - as does running into trees! One of the consequences of running in the dark is that you can't see where you are going [to state the obvious] and assume that tracks that have been clear for years will continue to be clear, until you run into a tree or a branch that has fallen overnight! It has happened twice in the last week, once at waist height and once at head height.

It's not so dark around now though - at least not anywhere near houses, the lights continue to burn. The Bali conference of climate change only ended a few days ago, although I'm far from sure what it achieved. The leaders of our world declared that now was the time for urgent action, and agreed nothing but a timetable to continue talking. But they have got the US and the White House involved, with is progress. Meanwhile we continue to burn hundreds of Christmas lights and as we do so, to fry our world. What bugs me even more than the number of lights is the length of time that most of them are lit. They are still shining bright at midnight and 6am, which leaves me assuming that they have never been turned off. Why does not one invest in a timer! Apart from protecting the world it would save fuel bills. Scrooge type rant over.

Kathryn is back into hospital in Bristol tomorrow to have the stint that they [deliberately] left in the tube between her kidney and her bladder removed. Its such a small and simple op but its still scary to hand your daughter over. Perhaps even more so since tomorrow I'll be one stage removed, up here with the other three while Jane is in Bristol.

8 December: 9:00pm

It was a few weeks ago that three people asked me if I wanted to be a Bishop. To report such a thing can be the death of all ambition. From RAB Butler to Michael Heseltine political history is littered with those who were predicted to lead and never quite made it. +Michael Nazir Ali, Bishop of Rochester did himself no favours on the journey to Canterbury by even obscurely expressing his desire to be Archbishop. +Rowan [then Archbishop of Wales] came off much better when he said, in response to a question about his signing of the Pax Christi declaration against the war in Iraq, 'won't it stop you becoming Archbishop of Canterbury?', 'O, I do hope so!'. The Church Times archive even reported the distaste felt in response to the battle to be Cathedral city of the newly formed Chelmsford Diocese 100 years ago.

Perhaps ambition is like money - in the church we're not really allowed to discuss either of them.

I only know one priest in the church who has ever spoken openly about ambition. And he's now running a course subtitled something like 'humility and how to be great at it' [I'm already booked in! But when I asked him about ambition and the church all he said was 'Do you want to be great in the Kingdom of God'? Its the question that Jesus asks of James and John after they have requested seats at his left and his right in heaven. James and John want glory, power and pageant. Jesus offers a different kind of greatness - 'let those who would be my disciples, deny themselves, take up their cross and follow me ... anyone who wants to save their lives will lose them, anyone who looses their lives for my sake and the sake of the gospel will inherit eternal life'. Its a tough call, but its the only scriptural response I can find to ambition.

For those who are wondering my answer to the original question is 'NO' Because I feel called to be an evangelist, missioner, pastor to a community [not just a church], to be part of the transformation of that community, sharing faith and bringing in God's kingdom, and I can't see how you can have that as a Bishop. But then I never expected that I'd define my vocation as I just have, or that I'd ever be called to be a parish priest. God is good, but not safe.

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BLOGGERS NOTE
You'll notice in this blog that I use clauses and sub clauses and square brackets and lots of other grammatical aberrations! Also that I can't spell. Jane sometimes compares my sentence structure to St Paul, going on and on and on... I'm afraid that you're going to have to live with it. I try to edit it all out when I'm writing for print, but I'm going to indulge myself here.